A match made in heaven...

.. Or Maison Guilhot to be exact.

There are many fantastic things about living where we do in France and one of them is living slap bang in the largest vineyard in the world. The Languedoc Roussillon produces more wine than any other region in the world. There are over 50,000 vine growers and nearly 3000 private vineyards in the Region. Plenty of serious good wines to choose from and plenty of good locally grown and produced food to match those delicious wines too.

During the week, I had the honour of being at a food and wine matching soirée hosted by George Guilhot, Maison Guilhot and Bruno Leger of Lycée Hôtelier Léon Blum.

Marie Pierre Piquemal of Domaine PIQUEMAL, d'Espira de l'Agly introduced us to her sumptious selection of wines which Bruno matched to the following menu :

Muscat Sec : Tartine de beurre d'algue

Terres Grillées Blanc : Topinambour de Saint Jacques

Le chant des Frères Rouge : Foie gras poivre

Colline Oubliée Rouge : Hamburger de Canard,et son ketchup de betterave

CRV Galatée : Boeuf carotte en cassolette

Muscat de Rivesaltes : Compote orange amère, riz au lait.

Far from being a stuffy wine matching exercise, Marie Pierre Piquemal regaled us with stories and the banter and chat flowed along with the wines. Bruno and Georges had obviously diligently done their homework and the food and wine married each other perfectly; each mouthful a true taste sensation.. nom nom nom, looking forward to the next one already!!!

Georges independent wine cave is situated in the heart of Perpignan at 13 place des poilus. He regularly holds wine and food tasting soirées and stocks his favourite wines from the Roussillon and all over France.

An address not to be missed on your visit to Perpignan. Georges also speaks perfect English.

Anti Ride Régime

The kids and I headed to the park after school on Friday , the weather was so lovely , we decided to spend an hour enjoying the last rays of sunshine on a fine February day.
I was delighted when another Mom plonked herself down beside me on the bench and started chatting in a friendly manner. Turns out she was a wolf in sheeps clothing and lulled me into a false sense of security, swapping tips and gossip about the neighbourhood, best boulangerie, where to get best fruit and veg, blah blah, comforting Mom talk, she got me nice and relaxed before she went for the jugular
"You are about the same age as me, yes? 40?"
"Ummm" yes, I mutter " Still hanging on to my 30s though, hoho"
"You know you should really be doing an anti wrinkle diet. I am an expert on this. Look at my skin compared to yours. You would not have those crows feet and bags under your eyes if you follow my advice"
"Gulp, really?" I stammer. Well, what does one say?
" Yes, you too could look like me" she brazenly tells me

So here's the diet Isabelle recommended :

Eat lots of :
Fruit and Veg
Water and Green Tea
Nuts, esp almonds
Olive Oil
Oily fish
Dark chocolate

Avoid
Coffee
Red Meat
White bread
Potatoes
Cakes and sugary things
Too much alcohol

Ok , nothing radical there. Then she advises that I use Clarins Anti Ride Lift - that would REALLY help all those lines on my forehead disappear.
If I had balls, I would have felt kicked in them, on ther other hand, if I had balls, I would have told her where to shove it!
My buddies reckon that she was a Clarins undercover agent, sent out to target Moms in parks, preferably those sensitive ones , turning 40 this year!
So, when I pulled myself together and we'd said our farewells ( ravie de vous avoir rencontrée , my arse!), I dragged my sorry butt back home where my delightful daughter drew a lovely picture of me ( awwww) with a deep furrow in the middle of my forehead!!! Argghhh

So, it's the new diet and Clarins anti wrinkle treatment for me for one month. Before and After photos to follow.
And it that doesn't work, I want BOTOX for my birthday....

Dying to be thin

"How do they stay so thin?" It's a question I've been asked a thousand times since moving here 9 years ago .. The truth, I believe, is that the French are generally lucky in the gene ( and jean) department with slender hips and frames, they smoke incessantly and really do keep an eye on everything that goes past their lips. They also indulge in slimming aids and tablets. Alot. They are obsessed with their weight and openly talk about what procedures they have had done, what diets they are on and what pills they are popping.

Isabelle Caro, a French actress and model whose skeletal photos shocked the world in 2007, tragically died in late 2010, another victim to the desire to be skin and bone. Caro obtained a certain amount of fame around this time as she spoke out about her struggle with her eating disorder and campaigned to increase awareness about anorexia.
However, her photos had the adverse affect and many pro-ana sites blossomed in line with her notoriety. Pro-ana websites are pro-anorexic dedicated sites and are quite frankly, scary places to visit where anorexics cheer each other on with every ounce lost. Caro has become something of a heroine here, a martyr to the ultimate goal of these , predominately, young girls.

The drug "mediator", given in France to obese people and to people with diabetes is now known to be responsible for at least 500 deaths. Prescribed to healthy women as well, who wanted to lose a few kilos, this drug, with lethal side effects, has been widely available in France for the last 30 years. The minister for health pressed panic buttons in late 2010 when he recommended that anyone who had taken the drug must immediately visit their doctor.
There are legal proceedings commencing against the pharmaceutical company and it looks like this scandal is only going to get bigger and nastier as time goes on.

En France, one can never be too rich or too thin? Not much good if you're 6 feet under though..

It's the end of the world as we know it ...

Ok, That was my anthem after my first child was born but there is quite a large group of esoterics who beleive that the world will end on 21 December 2012, ending a 5,125-year-long cycle in the ancient Maya calendar.
Many people beleive that a tiny village in Aude, the South of France, close to where I live, offers refuge from the 2012 apocalypse and are flocking to the village of less than 200 inhabitants. Apparently , many American travel agents are selling packages to Bugarach ( one way tickets, we would assume) and the locals are getting very jittery in anticipation of the influx of New Age Nutters.
According to the Sydney Morning Herald, some of the pilgrims believe that there are aliens existing in the core of the mountain near Bugarach and when the world implodes, the aliens will take their followers on the mountain with them to "safety"
The mayor has requested that the army be on standby to cope with the tide of UFOists who will certainly be flocking to the Pic de Bugarach for the 21 December, 2012.
I'm off there shortly to see if I can spot E.T. and friends and will report back. In the meantime, this whole idea ties in perfectly with my New Years Resolution which is to make 2011 a YES YEAR. Carpe Diem and all that .. especially with the aliens imminent attack!!!

Flirting in France

Is flirting,either face to face or using a social network like facebook or sending SMS's by your mobile, being unfaithful? Eva Longoria seems to think so and is divorcing her French husband of 7 years , basketball player Tony Parker, for flirting by SMS with a girl that he had never had any relations with.

In France , where flirting is a national past-time and it's considered rude not to flirt, this is sending shockwaves throughout the country. Flirting is as natural to French men and women as breathing and is, most of the time, tongue in cheek, harmless complimentary chit chat that adds a little skip to your step. Now, I don't know how saucy or x-rated Tony Parkers text messages were, causing Eva to pull the plug, but I'd wager there are quite a few french men deleting messages on their phones and facebook accounts as I type!

In the small village where I live, my baker calls me " la grande belle", my Catalan butcher ( female) calls me " la bella nena" my students in English class ( all over 70) have all proposed to me and flirt outrageously with me non stop.
Nearly every transaction involves a bit of flirtatious french flattery and indeed flirting properly is a skill in France which should be perfected if you expect to get good service / the best table in a restaurant or a discount on a purchase. Flirting in France does not mean you want to jump into her/his knickers, flirting is just fun, lightening up your day.
My fair blue eyed sister is a master of flirting ( she takes after our Mother!) and I can only stand back in admiration as she has the French male eating out of her proferred hand!
Recently, we were organising a tour for a group of 20 people. On telephoning the bus company ,we were told that the bus we had booked weeks in advance was unavailable. Full stop. No amount of wheedling would sway them. "That's it", my sister Suz announced, "this calls for action." She changed from jeans and tee shirt into a smart skirt, killer heels and sprayed herself with some coco chanel. Half an hour later, she returned from the bus depot, triumphant : José, our bus man, not only had found a bus, but, had given it to Suz for half price AND he wanted to come on the tour!!! He regularly emails her now with flirtatious emails.
A bit of harmless and healthy fun? Perhaps. But Eva aint buying it!

One Man's Junk ...

.. Is another man's treasure

The vide grenier ( empty your attic ) epitomises this old saying here in France where every town holds his own 'car boot sale' at least once or twice a year. This weekend, one of the local vide greniers was on in Port Vendres, where my sister lives , so we headed off bright and early on Sunday morning to snag a few bargains.

The whole quay in Port Vendres was jammed with stalls selling everything from antiques, to clothes, old teddy bears, games, jewellery and everything else under the sun as people jostled for bargains and children ran around giddy, testing out prams, bikes and used toys.
The atmosphere was fabulous, a real family day out, with stallholders sharing their impromptu pique-niques (avec du vin of course), punters negotiating good naturedly and everyone enjoying picking up a good bargain. All this against the back drop of the yachts bobbing in the quay, the piercing blue sky and the quaint shop fronts of Port Vendres.
I managed to snaffle a pair of brand new ski boots for my daughter for 50cents, a funky unused retro handbag for a euro and some English books going for a song.
Now, that's what I call retail therapy!!!

Check out http://www.vide-greniers.org/ for a full list of vide greniers

Merde alors!

Cursing in France is quite accepted in all levels of society. I'm no prude , yet it always makes me squirm when I am doing some business at the bank/insurance company/supermarket/pharmacy/school and the person dealing with me cries out "Merde" or "Putain de merde", usually over something very trivial.
Parents are very lax about their children cursing and it appears to be fine to punctuate every sentence with a french obscenity.
In Ireland, it is not kosher to curse when you are in an environment with kids or older people or in a professional situation and certainly, the teacher in school does not let out a stream of offensives in front of her 4 year olds!!
My 3 year olds first curse word was in French .. when trying to take off her safety belt , she exclaimed 'putain de merde" ( direct translation - shitty whore!). In one way, I was delighted that she hadn't picked up any curse words from me, in English, but on the other, where had she learnt that disgusting phrase?
There is a popular radio station here in France that is called FG Music and every 5 minutes or so , they announce that they are playing F%CKING GOOD music after the F%CKING GOOD news and the F%CKING GOOD weather forecast.
WTF???
Good to know in France ( in case anyone ever calls you same!!)
Swear words:
Putain : Whore ( can be shortened to pute)
Putain de merde : Bad Whore
Merde : Shit
Con :  C U oN Tuesday ( short for conasse) - Sarko famously was caught saying "casse toi, pauve con!" whilst being jostled around by the public in the lead up to the last gen election
Va te faire foutre : Go F%ck yourself ( often heard in service industries!!!)
Salope : slut
pétasse : bimbo
Foutre : to f%ck , 'Je m'en fou', I don't give a f..

... The things you don't learn at the Alliance Francaise!!

Vin Primeur

Vive Le Vin!
Tonight a full moon coincides with the fete du vin primeur, probably one of the biggest nights in Perpignan and surrounding towns, as traditionally , the people celebrate the end of the wine harvest. For wine snobs, this event is usually poo pooed as the wine ( too young, too unripe, too un-interesting dahling) has not yet matured, but you can't beat the festival for atmosphere and the "feel good" factor.

Tonight, my two smallies ( aged 5 and 3), Other Half and moi headed down to the village centre, lured by the sounds of a brass band, clinking glasses and the tinkle of laughter.
The village town square was lit up with fairy lights and a large crowd had gathered to sample the first wines of 2010. For the princely sum of 3euros , we were given a wine tasting glass which you could hang around your neck ( a brilliant idea for night clubs!) while we could sample other local produce , including freshly shucked oysters, organic cheeses, a selection of delicious charcuterie, breads, patés, roasted chestnuts ; serious nom nom nom time.

The children ducked, dived and danced in and around the legs of the chatting adults while the brass band belted out old favourites. The mayor even joined us for some sardane dancing.

France ain't perfect, but then , where is? But she does get some things so so right sometimes .. Vive le Vin!

Letter to Sarko

                                                                                                             
Dear Mr President

Just a little note from me, one of your admirers, to say kikou Nico!! Oh how we danced and cheered when you were voted as President of the Republic on the 6th May 2007.
Your presidential manifesto promised great plans to rejuvenate the economy and to encourage entrepeneurs. In all fairness, chapeaux Mr President , you are doing an okay job, introducing the auto entrepeneur scheme and other reforms and I hope the strikers don't put you off course.
However, as a Gérante ( MD) of a SARL (Limited Company), I'd like to show you an example of the level of bureaucracy we have to suffer. It is time consuming, expensive and a complete waste of government resources.
Today, I presented myself at the Greffe (Company Register) as I needed to change the address of my SARL
In order to do this I need to provide:

Extract of my K-Bis
Proof of identity
2 Proces Verbal of the AGM
3 copies of our statutes
1 example of the journal of legal announces showing the change of address
2 copies of proof of residence
1 pint of blood and two wisdom teeth
(Okay, I'm joking about the blood and teeth!)

I must then make an appointment with the Greffe in Perpignan to meet someone who will inspect my dossier and ensure all is in order ( If they are not on strike) TO.CHANGE.MY.ADDRESS.
The cost : 200,14euros

I'd like to add that the very nice people in Greffe in Perpignan, have also lost all the annual returns for my two companies and even though they have admitted responsibility for this, I still have to incurr the time, money and effort to redo all the returns again.

Mr Le President, vous trouvez ca normale?

Yours Sincerely etc etc

10 things the french do best

The markets
Every little town and village has one and they truly are a pleasure as the whole town convenes on market day. Fresh bread, cheeses, locally grown veggies, wine and all kinds of market produce marry for a real feel good shopping experience .. and excellent value too..

Dog poo
After living here for over 8 years, I have an inbuilt antenna for the stuff and rarely put my foot in it .. tourists beware; it lies here , it lies there, it lies everywhere

Red Tape
Very easy to get tangled up in!

Looking after themselves
Voted by the World Health Association as having the best health care in the world, if you're going to get sick, get sick in France.

Le vin
Well, she has been making the stuff since the 6th century BC .. After two years of conducting wine tours in the Roussillon area, I can vouch for the quality.

Le café culture
Sitting in cafés, looking très chic, smoking and drinking café, watching the world go by, without changing facial expression no matter what happens (god forbid one might get a wrinkle)

Striking
The country is brought to near standstill as the government attempts to bring in a few coffers by extending the ridiculously low pension age from 60years to 62years. Socialist parties call on the children to strike at school.

Looking good
Staying thin and wearing appropriate clothing for event or activity, ie a french woman would never ever step outside the house wearing a track suit and sneakers unless going specifically to the gym

The Baguette
No where in the world does bread taste this good

Extra Marital Affairs
Apparently they're all at it and after being propositioned by my hairdresser to partake in some swinging activity, I'm starting to beleive it. My neighbours are installing a hot tub too .. yikes!!!!